Disney
by Redzik
Summary: Dick decided to educate Damian in Disney. Entire family got involved in this. It didn't go too well. WARNINGS: Jay/Dick, crackish, swearing.


Damian made an annoyed noise and crossed his hands on his chest, pushing himself deeper into the corner of the couch he was sitting on.

Grayson got the idiotic idea that Damian had to be introduced to the great world of Disney and dragged him and Drake to the living room for the seance. Damian of course protested and fought, but it didn't look like he would win this one. Especially when Father walked out of his office and decided to follow them, stating it was a good idea to have some movie time together, since it was rare they were all at the manor at the same time. He gave Damian a look and Robin slumped in defeat.

Damian threw himself onto the couch while Grayson dug through collection of the Disney movies for something to watch. Bruce sat in the armchair, relaxed in a way Damian didn't see for a long time. Tim took the other armchair and watched Dick impassively. At least Pennyworth was somewhat useful as he provided some snacks and drinks for the duration of this torture.

Grayson made a triumphant noise and put on his chosen animation, then sat next to Damian on the couch and hit play.

"What did you choose?" Bruce asked.

"You'll see," Grayson sing-songed, practically vibrating with glee.

The movie started and they groaned.

"Seriously, Dick?" Tim complained. "'Sleeping Beauty'? There are other, better movies than this."

"But we're watching this one," Dick replied. "Now hush."

They begrudgingly complied.

"What are you watching?" Jason asked ten minutes later as he vaulted over the back of the couch to sprawl next to Dick, jostling the entire furniture with his movement.

"What are you doing here, Todd?!" Damian hissed.

"Be nice!" Dick scolded him. "And shush!"

Halfway into the movie, with Dick suitably distracted, everyone lost all pretense to be watching it. Tim was working on his laptop. Bruce was napping. Alfred was dusting around the room. Grayson somehow migrated into Todd's lap and they were engaged in disgusting displays of affection. Damian wedged himself into a corner to get as far away as he could get from them and decided that his Father had the best idea and decided to take a nap.

* * *

A group of people was gathered before the manor, all admiring a display of state of the art spinning wheels, the Wayne Enterprises was famous of producing. The party was a promotion of the new model as well as birthday party of Dick Grayson, the eldest heir of Bruce Wayne's fortune.

"Fucking vultures," Todd muttered, draining his fifth glass of champagne and glaring at the flock of women surrounding Grayson.

"At least you can't touch him now," Damian smirked. "Who knows. Maybe he'll marry one of them."

Todd growled and snatched another glass.

"Have you seen Bruce?" Drake asked, walking up to them pulling a string attached to the mobile spinning wheel close after him. "He needs to give his speech in a minute."

"Father will be on time, Drake," Damian scoffed. "He wouldn't botch such an important task like _some_ people." Damian threw a glare at Todd.

Todd only smirked and drained another glass of champagne.

Sure enough, a moment later Bruce appeared on the podium placed especially for the occasion and started droning on and on about his company, new spinning wheel and his eldest son's birthday. He was wrapping up his speech when an old looking man tore through the gathered people to the front of the podium.

"Grandfather!" Damian hissed.

"Wayne!" Ra's al Ghul shouted. "How dare you to not invite me to this gathering of yours?! Am I not family?"

"Oh, um, well..." Bruce floundered nervously. "Your invitation must have been lost. Yes, that's probably it!"

"I've had it with you!" Ra's raged. He raised his cane and pointed it at Grayson, "Richard, you will prick your finger on the spindle and you will die!" With that a cloud of yellow sparkly powder surrounded Dick. "Happy birthday!"

"But Ra's..." Bruce tried desperately.

"He will not die!" Barbara appeared suddenly near Ra's, waving her wand at Grayson and another sparkly cloud of dust surrounded him, this time red. "He will just fall asleep and will be woken only by True Love Kiss."

"No!" Ra's denied, his cane once again pointing at Dick making the yellow dust appear. "He will die!"

"He won't!" Barbara countered with red.

"He will!"

"He won't!"

"Yes, he will!"

"No, he won't!"

Their fight was interrupted by Grayson's sudden intake of breath. Ra's and Barbara stared at him in anticipation. Grayson sneezed out the red dust.

"Noo!" Ra's screamed and threw himself at Barbara. "You witch!"

"I won!" Barbara crowed and disappeared into thin air.

"Get back here! I wasn't done with you!" Ra's growled and also disappeared.

Once the chaos calmed down Bruce ordered all of the spinning wheels and spindles in the city to be destroyed. Those in the manor were immediately thrown in the pile on the lawn. It took a while, because there were many of them. Waynes produced them for generations after all and there was quite a collection of them in the mansion's many rooms.

"But why can't I keep it?" Drake sobbed as Damian forcefully grabbed the string with his prized spinning wheel from him. "I'll be careful. You won't even notice it's there!"

"We're not taking any chances!" Damian growled, pushing Tim's spinning wheel to his Father and Todd, whom were gleefully setting the cursed objects on fire.

"Aww, don't worry Timmy," Damian heard Grayson console Drake. "I saved you a spindle, I know how much you like them."

"Really?" Tim sniffed hopefully.

"Yeah, wait a moment."

Damian spun on his heel, staring with wide eyes as Dick fished a spindle from his jacket and moved back to Drake.

"Noo!" Damian howled, throwing himself at them and batting the spindle away from Grayson's hand just as he was passing it to Tim. The spindle went down. Dick tried to catch it, but he pricked his finger on it.

Damian watched in horror as his eldest brother muttered an 'ow' and then went down to the ground, unconscious.

"No!" Damian protested, kneeling beside Dick and checking him over. "No no no no!"

"Mine!" Drake declared happily next to them, hugging and petting the spindle tenderly. "My own. My preciousssss."

"Damian!" Bruce boomed. "What's the meaning of this?"

"I..." Damian stuttered helplessly, gesturing wildly, "Grayson… and then Drake..."

"Oh Dickie-Bird," Todd cooed suddenly by Grayson's side and petting his hair. "Don't worry. I'll save you."

"What?!" Damian cried in outrage, his Father yelling at him momentary forgotten. "Todd! Get away from him this instant!"

But Jason was already leaning down, kissing Dick gently on the lips. Grayson gasped, his eyes flew open.

"Jay!" Dick grinned happily. "I knew you loved me! I love you too!"

Jason smiled and they were kissing again.

Drake still fawned over his spindle.

Bruce realized that danger to his son passed and ran back to the burning pile, yelling about saving the antiques.

"Noooooo!" Damian yelled in anguish.

* * *

"Dami, are you okay?" Damian heard Grayson ask in concern. He blinked the sleep away and realized that everyone in the room were staring at him. The accursed movie was over. The credits just making an appearance on the TV.

"No!" Damian declared, still spooked by his dream. "I won't ever be okay after _that_! That was terrible movie. Disney sucks!"

With that he stomped out of the room, leaving his stunned family behind.


End file.
